“Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them.
Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it.”
– Rabindranath Tagore
There have been only a few times where I have felt fearless. No fear, no reservations, no doubts. I suppose being fearful is normal human behavior but as a lifetime worrier, I strive to feel fearless again. To be calm in the midst of the storms, to trust that all will be well and even if things do unfurl as I expect, to know that everything is working out as it should. To feel powerful.
Its a daily grind to build my courage for the seemingly mundane issues to life changing events. When my courage reservoir is running very low, I tap into my past “hero-like” actions for a jolt. One of those instances is the day I went sky diving. Granted skydiving has been on my bucket list for years but its one of those exciting things you put on your list thinking you will probably never do. However as part of my big birthday celebrations, I thought this would be one of the statement pieces of all the activities to mark the milestone.
Not once in the days leading up to the skydive did I have any reservations. On the morning of the jump, I drove to the airport, stopping along with way to grab breakfast, another sign that my stomach thought it was just another day. When I saw the tiny little airplane, one that looked that a strong breeze would blow it out of the sky, I had my first moment of hesitation, more so because I had imagined a larger plane that would allow both myself and my friend to jump at the same time.
However, after meeting the instructor and doing the training, I immediately trusted him and the size of the plane was no longer relevant. When he asked us who will be jumping first, without hesitation I said “me”. My friend was more than willing to oblige, she was busy munching on ginger candy to settle her stomach.
As the plane ascended I looked out the window at the fading horizon and exhaled. I was at peace.
My last moment of pause came when it was time to go out on the wing of the plane to jump but that lasted only a second.